Have you ever played a sport where you had to learn “ready position?” It’s that position where you are on the balls of your feet, your body weight is centered, your knees are bent, and your hands are near your waist and spread out slightly. 

This is me gearing up for another shot in a Penalty Shootout. 

If we win this shootout, we beat our arch-rivals and qualify for State. I desperately need to be in ready position here. 

Ready position is the natural position from which one is able to respond to whatever comes.

It minimizes error and maximizes reaction speed. Ready position is as much a learned skill as throwing, catching, diving, etc. It takes a lot of focus and it’s so easy to forget. 

Have you ever been flat-footed when you know you should have been in ready position? I have. It sucks. I’ve been scolded for it. As a goalkeeper, I have to be in ready position just about any time the ball is on my half of the field. But I have been flat-footed many times when I shouldn’t have been. I’ve given up goals because someone decided to boot one from the 50-yard line. I’ve given up goals because someone looked like they were going to pass the ball and then surprised me with a finesse shot from outside the 18-yard box. I’ve given up goals because I was just plain lethargic.

Dropping a catch or missing an open net- honest mistake. Being flat-footed- now that’s just laziness. 

The problem with being flat-footed is that the body naturally needs to be in ready position in order to respond. So, when someone is forced to respond while they’re flat-footed, the body takes extra time just to get into ready position before it can even begin to react to whatever is coming. The result is often delayed response and even error. Or worse- embarrassment.

Flat-footed. That is how I felt this week.

To be honest, that is how I have often felt for the past 10 weeks. This week, I was flat-footed and I had weak legs. 

A man named George Floyd was killed by a police officer in Minneapolis in an outrageous and disturbing way. The week and a half that has followed has involved incredible amounts of protesting across the country, as well as widespread rioting and significant government response through measures like curfews, military deployment, and even some horrifying shootings. Amidst all the media noise, social media has revealed afresh its great power to spread information, opinion, and pressure. There is a striking and true cry for justice and, whether you like it or not, George Floyd has become the face of it. Because of the nature of his death and the widespread national response, there is a renewed message to see and understand longstanding problems like systemic racism, racial inequality, implicit bias, and more as well as our part to play in it all. 

How have you felt about all of this?

It’s a lot to take in.

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t known what to do with myself. At first, I felt sorrow and anger after watching the video footage of George Floyd’s death. Then, I felt guilt for reasons I have heard many others mention. I felt guilty that I didn’t already feel like I have been a part of the conversation, a part of the change. I started to try to reason through things. But I couldn’t make sense of it. What do I think? How do I feel? Do I need to respond? I don’t even have an African American friend. What have I been doing? Some may call this white guilt. It has helped me to see this as being flat-footed. I call it this for two reasons.

First, I recognize that I have had the privilege to be in a position where I didn’t need to be informed on these issues. I didn’t need to be ready to respond. As a worship leader, I have been able to lead worship in congregations where I haven’t felt the need or prompting to engage heavily with lament. Of course, worship has included messages of trust and hope in the midst of hardship, but it always has an upward tone. How about people who are just mad? Who are just tired? Who are just hurt? Who are just ashamed? I haven’t grappled with this to the extent that it has felt necessary and vital recently.

Second, and, I believe, more importantly, I was flat-footed because the problem was that in the midst of all of this, I forgot who I was. If ready position is the natural position from which one is able to respond to whatever comes, then I forgot to be in ready position. I forgot what God has already been doing. I forgot what God has already called me to. I forgot what faithfulness to my circumstances (or vocation) looks like in my own life. The shock of George Floyd’s death and the rapid response was like a soccer ball headed towards the corner of the net while I was daydreaming. I was asleep. The shot woke me up, but now I have to remember what I’ve been doing and get into ready position again, and it’s a little later than I would like to admit. 

One very specific way that being flat-footed has hurt myself and others this week is that I found myself turning to white voices and predominantly white news to guide my thinking as I was in my daze of guilt and anger and sadness. That’s my bias. That’s my shortcoming. I did not listen to black voices. I did not seek to listen to and understand the very people for whom I was sad and angry. I felt fake.

But, can I make a confession? As I’ve worked through this, I have remembered that I feel good about where I’m at in my life. It feels selfish to say that, especially right now. I can hear the voices saying, “Others are hurting! How can you be focused on making sure you’re okay?” I have to address that question. It’s a really good one. 

Now, I could be totally wrong about this, but here’s what I feel convinced to be true as a white person in this situation.

I don’t believe I am capable of responding in love unless I know who I am and how I live. I can certainly fumble along and give it my best, but things will always come out sideways. I will always hurt someone along the way. I will regret my decisions. I will not help the cause. At best, I’ll join the echo chamber and forget my friends and family who aren’t in the same place as me. I’ll break the branch that we actually need to create and sustain change for the better. The change I want to see. That’s why this matters! That’s why, to the best of my ability, I need to be in ready position all the time and why it hurts others as well as myself when I am not. That’s why I need to know who I am and how I live.

Could I go protest? Sure. Could I do more? Absolutely. Those of you that know me well, I ask that you would hold me accountable to learn more and learn how to continually respond to issues of systemic racism, racial injustice, etc. Those of you who disagree with the idea that there is an issue, please hold me accountable to understand your point of view as well and call me out when I label or dismiss you. Last question, and the one that I need to address right now: Am I going to expect myself to have all this figured out right this moment? Well, that is just not going to happen. And if I expect that of myself or others, something is bound to go awry.

I believe that when we’re in ready position, we can start to respond in love. We need daily reminders to remember to stay in ready position. We need the Holy Spirit to guide us and walk with us; keep us awake to the broken and hurting world around us. It’s from ready position, that we can travel in love down the humble and painful road toward the change we want to see.

Do you relate to this? Have you felt flat-footed recently? I’d love to hear from you.

Have you felt like you’ve been in ready position as all of this has unfolded? That’s awesome! I’d love to hear what that’s looked like for you.

Are there African American voices on social media that you have really benefitted from listening to in this time? Please share them with me.